Title: 'Adult Child' - Part 4 (Fe-Ministry Poetry Series)

Part 4

Title: 'Adult Child'

I'm not
Even nearly like you
That false belief,
We must undo
For I never grew up you see
In a love-filled Christian family,
Spotlessly free of calamity.
Nor do I today
Have that someone
That like you,
I can easily, fall back on.

I am,
But an adult survivor
Of distressing childhood trauma.
I was raised with unenviable drama.
Just managed to survive it all
With the Grace and Mercy of God.
No one else really cared,
But The Lord.

Were you
Beaten up every day
By those who agreed to raise you?
Then in every conceivable way
Continually undermined by them too?
(I exaggerate not)

Refrain: I was.

Did you
Have to cower, or tip toe
Round adults
You grew up to know?
Get spitefully yelled at or cursed at,
Just for saying hello?

I did.

Were you
Shouted down or sworn at
Each second
You were in their midst?
Till you felt entirely worn out
And thought
You'd no longer exist?

I was.

In your
Childhood and formative years
Were you
Often molested to tears?
By those who
Were considerably older
With none at all to offer
One single adult shoulder,
To help allay your fears?

I was.

And,
All of this happening to you
From your baby-sitters, too?
By indulgent
'Close' family and friends,
Were you
Pressured to mis-understand
Where your
Personal boundaries end?

I was.

Were you
Forced to learn about subjects
That were
Not at all natural to you
Whilst equally
Being denied access
To the ones
You were right to pursue?

I was.

At age 10, to age 13
Each scorching hot afternoon,
Were you
Forced to go begging for water
(just for your washing and drinking),
As though
You were not at all human,
Or even, somebody's daughter?

I was.

Were you
As a minor,
Repeatedly denied
Your access to healthy sanitation?
Or constantly left,
Vulnerable to flies
Diarrhoea and constipation?

I was.

Did you
Suffer so often in youth
From malaria, and mosquito bites?
Or the incessant annoying itching
From all manner of parasites?

I did.

Were you
Raped several times and beguiled?
Then punished and promptly denied
For inviting this all to occur
By enticing those older for more?
Though you never
Got true education
On the nature of sex, as a child?

I was.

Were you
Used as a go between
In your parent's
crumbling relationship?
Bearing the weights
Of such magnitude
That an adult
Could barely equip?

I was.

Were you
Banished from home
And from friends
As a once healthy
Muslim daughter?
To a Catholic-Nuns School far away,
Without access
To clean food, or water?
And whenever
 You cried or complained,
Your punishment
Was harsher than slaughter?

I was.

Were you
Often looked on
By your elders
With a huge amount of disdain?
Their abhorrence for you so obvious
A subject
They could barely contain?
Were you
Given the impression of being
The worst happening,
They could ever have made?

I was.

Were you,
Regularly abused and misused
As housekeeper,
Messenger, chaperone?
Clearing up
After all adult messes
Just to hear them complain and moan?
As upon you,
They piled all their stresses?

I was.

Were you pushed
To escape from your home
To wander the streets all alone
Pondering how come
That day you were born
You were kept,
And not just dis-owned?

I was.

Were you
Told by your parents all year
How much
Of a hindrance you were?
And whenever
You attempted to play
Were made to feel in their way?

I was.

Were you
Ever forced as a minor
To keep standing helplessly by?
While you
Painfully listened and witnessed
As your loved ones
Got battered to cry?

I was.

Were you,
  Generally pushed to take sides
  On your balanced impressionistic wings?
Simultaneously
Punished/rewarded,
For doing, apparently opposing things?
Constantly caught and embroiled
In adult negative schemes?

I was

Well,
I certainly never felt nurtured
And,
I know it appears I'd been tortured...

I was!

And having,
Experienced all this,
Were you,
Able to forgive and release?
To let go of all karmic debt
And relay
Your farewells with a kiss?
 Whilst still wishing
Your Roots great bliss?

I was.
(I kid you not)

 Ah!
I'm not even nearly like you
That false belief
We must undo
For I never
Grew up as you see
In your supportive Christian family
 Spotlessly free of calamity.
Nor have I
That certain someone
Like you have,
And can easily fall back on.

I will neither go back
Or look backward
So don't even ask me to try.
I will never backslide,
Or slide backward
But move forward
In life till I die.

It's forwards
With God, and with Christ
Straight Onwards
Toward a New Age
As written,
Its there in the scriptures
And marked on God's calendar page.

----------------------------

Thus
I'm without
As you now, can see
A blood-tie, Christian family.
But those people of the bible are
All part of my Ancestry.
 And today, are my family tree.

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So, what ever more must I need
But be simply content indeed

God is my parent,
Christ is my brother,
The Holy spirit, my friend.

 That makes me OK, in the end!

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Poetry by Rev.Bola A.
(copyright: 4Jan12 -ARR)
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Title: 'I WAS' /W.Col - (From Set) by Rev.Bola

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Art by Rev.Bola A.
(copyright: 4Jan12 -ARR)
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